Hospice
by Silverstreams
Summary: Scenes from the end of Cave Johnson's life, set to the album Hospice by The Antlers.
1. Kettering

Kettering

"I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you.  
'Cause you'd been abused by that bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that."

-"Kettering" by The Antlers

"Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson," Caroline said. She smiled at him and pulled up a chair next to his hospital bed. She pulled out a stack of papers and a clipboard and folded back the first page. "I've brought the daily reports."

Cave Johnson just stared at her.

"The daily reports," she tried. "You love hearing about the facility."

Cave grunted and looked away.

"Come on," she said. "Where's that old Cave Johnson smile?"

"Caroline," he whispered, and then wheezed.

Caroline looked up, setting down the papers full of red numbers, of loss reports, of failed tests. "What's wrong? Do you need more pain pills?" She reflexively reached for the ones on the table beside his bed. She checked the clock in the room and frowned. Not time yet for another dose of morphine. The pain pills would have to do.

Cave shook his head, instead gesturing to one of the nurses with a finger. A blood oxygen monitor hung limply on his index finger, the cord streaming down to the rest of the cords hooked up to his hospital bed. "Get her outta here," he grumbled.

"Yes, sir," Caroline said softly. She stood and moved over to the nurse, touching her arm gently and giving her a quick smile, then asked her for a moment alone.

Cave wheezed. Caroline reached in her pocket and pulled out a well-worn handkerchief. She handed it to him and he heaved again, but this time she realized that there were tears in his eyes. He took a shallow breath, closing his eyes and then pressing his thumb and forefinger at the inside corners of his eyes.

"Sir," Caroline whispered, floating a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

Cave just shook his head, struggling to breathe. He scrambled for his oxygen mask and placed it over his nose for a long few moments. Caroline moved to his side in an instant, placing a hand on his shoulder, ready to help him shift into a better, more upright position.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore," he whispered. "I'm so cold."

"Then I'll get you another blanket," Caroline said. She gave his hand a quiet squeeze, then stood up to call back in the nurse. Maybe he just didn't want the nurse to see him cry, that was all.

"It's not that," he said. "I mean, I don't think I can do this. Being sick."

Caroline felt a spike of fear crash through her. "Sir?"

"Every day it's the same damn thing. I wake up. I can't breathe. The doctors say-"

"The doctors are doing their best."

"The doctors are just telling me what I want to hear, damnit. They know I pay them. And you know what? I don't believe a damn thing that they say anymore."

Caroline pursed her lips, and looked away. She then reached for his hand again, gently rubbing at his palm.

"It's over for me, isn't it?"

She looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with him. She couldn't bring herself to say it. None of them would be a surefire way to get fired. No one wanted to be the person to say that they couldn't save Cave Johnson.

"I'll get you that blanket," she said instead. She got up and left for a moment, coming back and spreading it across his lap.

"You didn't answer my question," said Cave. "You don't know what it's like, being here. I used to be healthy. I used to walk these halls of science every day. People respected me. And now you won't even look me in the eye. You of all people, Caroline. I thought I could trust you."

She fiddled with the edge of the blanket. "Sir, I'm afraid it's not promising," she said, swallowing. "The doctors say-"

"Fuck what the doctors say. I want to know what you think. And be honest with me."

"No, sir," she said. "I don't think you're going to make it."

A great heaviness fell over Cave. He sunk back into his bed and closed his eyes. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks and he didn't even bother to wipe them away. Instead he just lifted a forearm across his eyes, blocking the harsh light of the room. The beeps and hums of monitors filled the air.

"Every day is just a little bit worse," he said. " The coughs hurt more. My body hurts more. And my lungs-every time I breathe, it's like they're on fire."

"Oh, sir," Caroline said. She wanted to do something to comfort him. She wanted to take him in her arms, to squeeze him, to reassure him that everything was going to be okay. "We're doing everything we can for you."

"When we first met-you remember that? I knew there was something special about you."

Caroline gave a sad little smile. "And I knew there was something special about you."

"Who woulda thought we'd end up here, huh?" he said, and then coughed into the handkerchief that Caroline had given him. He glanced down at it, frowning for a moment. Embroidered on the side was C. J.

"Hey, this is one of mine," he said. He thumbed the familiar embroidery.

"Don't you remember? You gave it me," said Caroline.

"I guess I did, didn't I?" he said. The hint of a smile upturned the corner of his mouth. "Caroline, I-" he swallowed. "I'm thinking about something. Long and hard. And I need you to hear me out on this, okay?" he said.

Caroline nodded, folding the handkerchief in her hands.

"I've been thinking about this a long time. Ever since I got sick, really. Ever since I got worse. Every day is torture. I can't even breathe anymore on my own," he said, looking over at the oxygen mask beside him. When his lungs failed completely, the next step would be the ventilator. Cave knew that it was just around the corner-the machine was already parked off to the side of the room. He gave a shaky breath. "I don't want to live anymore," he said.

"I don't understand," she said finally. "You want... to die?"

Cave Johnson shook his head. "No, no," he said. "I don't-it's hard to explain. I don't want to die. I just don't want to live anymore."

Caroline pulled away, shaking her head. "No," she said, firm. "No. You can't do that."

"It's my choice, Caroline."

"No," she repeated again. Tears started to well up in her eyes. "I can't lose you."

"You already have," he said. "Look at me. I might as well be dead."

"That's not true. I need you. "

"Look at me. I can't run my facility. I can't do anything but sit here and waste away. At least if I was dead, we could start to move on. Could start to do science again."

"Aperture needs you."

"Oh, Caroline," said Cave. He reached and gently touched her face, tracing along her cheek. "They already have you." He brushed a curled strand of gray-flecked hair behind her ear.

"It won't be the same," she said. "We can't-I can't do this without you."

"I've heard what they say, around the facility. That you're doing wonderfully. That it's like you've already taken over. That things are running even more efficiently than ever. And it just makes me think-why didn't I put you in charge before?"

"Mr. Johnson-"

Cave wheezed, and blood stained his handkerchief. He looked at it and felt like laughing at the absurdity of it all. He was dying, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"I need you to do this for me."

Caroline took a long look at Cave. She got up, folding her arms behind her back and looking over at the picture window that faced the rest of the facility. So they could watch the world as it moved on without him.

"There's no saving me," he said. "But I think there's something that could save you."


	2. Bear

Bear

"There's a bear inside your stomach, a cub's been kicking from within.

He's loud, though without vocal cords, we'll put an end to him.

We'll make all the right appointments, no one ever has to know"

-"Bear" by The Antlers

CW for abortion, pregnancy scares

* * *

"I need to talk to you," said Caroline. She grabbed at the sleeve of Cave's jacket, glancing back into the office. "Alone."

"Caroline, how many times do I need to tell you that we're trying to promote transparency here? Talking about things in front of the lab boys, and all that."

"Sir, really. It's," she paused. "Personal."

"Oh. Well then sure," said Cave. The folder he'd been looking flopped onto the conference table. He moved into the office and Caroline followed him, locking the door behind them.

He moved over to his luxurious office chair-made from real leather, of course-he would never accept any of that faux leather nonsense with as much time he spent in here-and sat down, leaning back. "So what's all this about?" said Cave.

"I'm late."

"Looks like you're pretty on-time to me, kid," said Cave. "I don't think you've been late a day in your life."

"No, I mean. I'm late." She hesitated, not sure if he was getting her meaning.

Ever since she had started to sleep with her boss, she had been obsessed with being careful. Condoms, the pill, experimental Aperture-brand birth control, the whole nine yards. That had been years ago. Decades, even. With all of the experimental toxins and gamma rays and radiation that she'd been exposed to, she figured that she would probably end up infertile anyway. It was a common struggle among some Aperture employees, she knew, at least for those attempting to settle down and start families. But lately-lately they had gotten more careless. She never expected-no, she never dreamed-that anything like this would end up happening to her.

"Oh," Cave Johnson said simply. It took him a minute to gather his thoughts. "Have you-do you know for sure?"

"Yes," Caroline said simply. She handed him pregnancy test, marked with a clear plus sign.

"We can-if you want-we have doctors-" He twirled the test uselessly in his hands.

She touched her stomach reflexively, knowing that at the most, she was what, four weeks along? Nothing recognizable besides a clump of sophisticated, multiplying cells. She took a steadying breath. "Wait. I want to talk about this," said Caroline.

"Y-you do?" Cave said, stuttering over his own words. He ran a hand behind the back of his neck. "I figured-well, I figured that it'd be a done deal. What is there to talk about?"

Caroline took a deep breath. "Do you think-maybe-we could make this work?"

Cave was silent for a long moment. "I dunno, Caroline," he said. "Me? A father?"

"You'd be great at it," said Caroline.

"I'm not sure that we're cut out for it. We're just too old."

"We're not old at all," she said. People, though it was a bit more rare, did have kids in middle age.

"But you? A mother? Seriously?" said Cave. "I've seen the way that you look at kids. You've never really been that type."

"Maybe I can learn," she said, suddenly feeling defensive. This was always something that she had been conscious about-her lack of, well, desire to settle down and have kids, to continue on the chain of life. She'd been criticized about her dedication to a working life so many times-by family, by friends, even by people she'd just met when they found out that she was never married, had never had kids. Especially as the years ticked on. Caroline gave a heavy sigh. "I could-maybe I could stay home."

"And what, go crazy after a week?"

"What about you?" said Caroline.

"What about me?" said Cave. "I have a company to run. I can't be home every night at five. This is a 24-hour commitment, and you and I both know that."

"What about Aperture?"

Right. Aperture.

"I can't keep you out of this place. And it's too dangerous of a place to raise a child."

Caroline gave a grim nod. She didn't have time to become a mother. Not with all the work that needed to be done.

"I need you here, Caroline. This place doesn't run the same without you," he said.

"So I guess that's it, then," said Caroline. She folded her arms across her chest.

Cave suddenly realized that perhaps he had said the wrong thing. Something about Caroline's demeanor had shifted, and if he didn't know better, he would have said she looked disappointed. "Caroline-"

She sat down at the chair opposite his desk. "Pour me a glass," she said, firm.

Cave moved over to his liquor cabinet-always handy in a crisis-and pulled out a tumbler and Caroline's favorite type of wine. He poured slowly. "You really shouldn't-"

"Oh, what do I care?" said Caroline. She reached across the desk for her glass, taking a swig of it.

Cave sat there for a moment, bottle of wine in his hand, before returning it to the cabinet.

"I guess now we have to talk about doctors-"

"I don't want to talk about that," said Caroline. She took another drink of the wine, hoping that maybe this would let her forget her troubles. "I'll take care of it. Don't you worry."

* * *

Caroline sat beside Cave Johnson's hospital bed, idly flipping through a magazine. Cave gave a heavy sigh.

"You know, I miss him sometimes," he said.

"Who?" said Caroline, looking up. She really needed some reading glasses these days-her eyesight wasn't what it used to be. She'd have to stop one of the doctors one day when they had a moment between visits to Cave.

"Cave Jr."

Caroline went silent.

"I know, it's dumb-I shouldn't have named him-it," he said. "We don't even know if it was a boy. But I just can't stop thinking about him. How he would have been twenty five this year. He would have been old enough to take over the company from me."

"Cave-"

He paused, leaning back in his bed and closing his eyes for a moment. "There comes a time when a man comes and looks at his legacy, and I can't help but feel like we-that I should have something to show for it. I've got Aperture, sure, but what about us? I have no family. I have no one to pass this place on to. No one to uphold my legacy when I'm gone."

Caroline reached over and squeezed his hand gently. "You have me," she said gently. "And that's all that matters."


	3. Atrophy

Atrophy

"You've been living awhile in the front of my skull, making orders

You've been writing me rules, shrinking maps, redrawing borders

I've been repeating your speeches but the audience just doesn't follow

Because I'm leaving out words, punctuations and it sounds pretty hollow"

-"Atrophy" by The Antlers

* * *

The television rolled into the room on creaky wheels. Caroline sat in her usual chair at Cave Johnson's bedside. Cave was propped up in his bed, hospital gown looking rugged but still acceptable.

Caroline rose and put the tape into the Aperture-brand, state-of-the-art VHS player. It was marked simply, "Caroline's Speech, 11/23". With a press of her fingers, she pushed the play button and began the humiliating task of seeing herself on a recording. Her voice always sounded so stupid-so high, too cheery, too different than the tones that she was used to hearing inside her own head.

The two of them watched the entire thing in silence. Caroline glanced over at him, trying to gauge his reaction to it, but he was stone silent the entire time.

"What the hell was that?" he said after it ended, fists clenched at his side.

"It was a speech," said Caroline. She kept her hands folded in her lap.

"Like hell it was," said Cave.

"Sir, we went over the content of it before I even gave it. You approved it. Remember?"

"I do," he said. "I'm not talking about what was _in_ the speech-I'm talking about the way that you gave it. I mean, look at your posture." He wound back the tape a few minutes, pointing out a moment where she was slumped over, looking at her notes. "Leadership. You've got to radiate leadership, Caroline. You've got to put some pep in your step. Straighten up those shoulders. And look people in the eye, for God's sake."

"I tried-"

"You've got to nail these, Caroline. Aperture has a reputation to uphold, and if you're going to try to take over for me someday then you've got to get this right. We don't have the time to dilly dally."

"Sir, I'm doing the best that I can."

"Well your best isn't enough."

The words stung. Caroline looked away for a moment. She always strived to please him, and he always seemed so happy with how she handled things around Aperture. So what was so different this time?

"Speaking of that, why didn't you answer my call today?" Cave said, shifting again in his bed. He paused to give a heavy, thick cough.

"I was busy."

"Sure. Busy," said Cave. "What could you possibly have that's more important than me?"

"With all due respect, sir, like you said, I have a company to run," she said. "That doesn't stop just because you want to talk."

"It wasn't just about that," Cave started. "And why won't you tell me what you were doing?"

"Honestly, sir, it's been a long day. There's a host of things that I could've been doing. All of which were important."

"You were meeting with Black Mesa, weren't you?"

"Sir!"

"That's the only reason I can think of that you'd be lying to me."

"I was not meeting with Black Mesa, I assure you," she said. "I have Aperture to run, and you know that very well."

Cave grunted.

"Well, you're doing a piss poor job of that too," said Cave.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, you're doing a piss poor job of running Aperture. Even I can tell that from down here."

"I'm doing-"

"The best you can. Yeah. I know," he said, folding his arms across his chest. "I just can't help but think, shouldn't you know better by now?"

"What do you mean?"

"After all these years-Christ, it's been what, over thirty years since we opened this place. You think you would've known what it takes to be a successful CEO by now. Didn't all those years at my side mean anything to you? Have you really learned nothing at all?"

Caroline was at a loss for words. "Sir, I never thought-I never expected to be running Aperture. I always thought you'd be around."

"You're lucky I don't get out of this bed and do it myself," Cave said, going through another coughing fit. It was his own fault for working himself up like this. If he simply stayed calm, he wouldn't have as much of a problem. "If you never thought you'd be here, then what was even the point? Why did I bother taking you to all of those events-to all of those conferences-to everything, Caroline. I haven't done a single thing without you at my side, and it's all been for your benefit, not mine."

"I thought-I thought that was just what good assistants did," Caroline said, meekly.

"No," said Cave. "You were special. You are special. Which is why I can't understand why you can't grasp this," he said.

"Of course it meant something, Mr. Johnson," she said. "Of course-I want this," she said, lying.

"I knew it," Cave spat. "You're just a snake, aren't you? Standing by, waiting for me to die so that you can finally get that promotion you've been wanting for years."

"How dare you," said Caroline. She felt like pulling back. "You really think that that's all I care about? Your job? Mr. Johnson, if I wanted your job, I would have had it by now."

"Oh really?"

"Absolutely," Caroline said through clenched teeth. "I've made people disappear before. I could do it again."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Maybe I am. I know you're sick, but-"

"I'm not sick, I'm dying. Let's not dance around the truth. "

"Fine. I know you're dying, but you have to stop acting like this."

"This has nothing to do with me," he said. "You're the one driving this place into the ground."

"You really think that's what I'm doing? I'm trying to save this place, Mr. Johnson," Caroline said, rising from her chair. "I am busting my ass for you every day, and you never pay attention to that. Instead you're always finding something I did wrong. Something you can nitpick. If this is my reward, then maybe I don't want it."

"You wouldn't," Cave said, his tone dangerous.

"Maybe you're right," said Caroline, her tone a bit too cheerful. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this."

"But Caroline-" Cave said weakly. "You have to be. I'm depending on you."

"And if you're right? If I am driving this place into the ground? What are you going to do, fire me?"

"I would never-"

"Then treat me better," said Caroline.

"Or what?"

"Or I'll leave."

Cave sat in stunned silence. "You wouldn't-"

"I will. Don't test me."

"But Caroline-I need you here."

"Then start acting like it," Caroline spat back.

Cave paused for a long moment, and Caroline watched as his posture changed from angry to excited. He gave a nervous laugh, unfolding his arms. "Now that's what I'm talking about!" Cave said. She wasn't serious, right? She couldn't have been.

Caroline hesitated. "Sir?"

"That's what I call leadership! You just gotta take that same fire to your speeches, and you'll be unstoppable," said Cave. He reached out to grab her arm, gesturing outward. "Gotta hand it to you Caroline, that was convincing. You scared me for a minute there. Good work. "

"I meant it."

Cave gave another nervous laugh, folding his arms back up again. He took a few breaths to steady himself, but instead started to cough, first once and then several times in violent succession. He waved out a hand and Caroline pressed into it a handkerchief. He held it up to his mouth and when it came away, spots of blood dotted it.

When the coughing faded, he wheezed for a few long moments, staring down at his bedsheets. Then before Caroline could say anything else, Cave Johnson started to cry.

At first it was just a few tears, silently streaming down his face and dropping onto his chest. Plink. Plink. He didn't even bother to wipe them away.

"Sir?" said Caroline, softening a little. She walked to the side of his bed, leaning down.

"Oh Caroline-" he said, wiping his face with the bleak hospital gown. His tears kept on streaming down, and he began to cry harder, the sobs intertwining with coughs. "I'm going to die. "

Caroline softened further. She folded her skirt underneath her and sat down at the edge of his bed.

"Come here," he said. "Please?" He patted the bed beside him. Naturally, being Cave Johnson, he had the best hospital bed that money could buy. Including making it wide enough for two people to sit semi-comfortably.

She swallowed her dignity and climbed on the bed with him. She laid her head on his chest and just let him stroke her hair until the coughing and the tears subsided.

"You'd never leave me, would you Caroline?" he eventually said, his body trembling, exhausted.

"Never, sir," she whispered.


	4. Sylvia

Sylvia

"Please, curtains in. Start us off...You swing first. Sorry. I don't know what I said, but you're crying now again, and that only makes it worse. Let me do my job. let me do my job.

"Sylvia, get your head out of the oven. Go back to screaming, and cursing, remind me again how everyone betrayed you. Sylvia, get your head out of the covers. Let me take your temperature, you can throw the thermometer right back at me, if that's what you want to do, okay?

-"Sylvia" by The Antlers

* * *

Something major was wrong, they said. She had to get down there right away. He was inconsolable. They didn't know what to do with him.

They called her during the middle of an important investor meeting, one that could have helped them get out of the massive amounts of debt. She excused herself with as much dignity as she could muster, knowing that she wouldn't be back. They wouldn't be investing in Aperture. She rushed down to Aperture Medical, dread pooling in the pit of her stomach. What if this was it? What if he was finally dying?

One of the nurses stopped her before she could burst into Cave Johnson's long-term hospital room. It was furnished to look as much like a normal bedroom as possible. His own bedsheets. His own pillows. His own furniture. Little touches of home. All to make him feel more comfortable at the end of his life. They had offered to move him to his house for the hospice care. But Cave Johnson couldn't bear to be separated from his beautiful facility.

"Miss Caroline," said the nurse, reaching out to grab her sleeve as she turned the corner. "I'm not sure if I'd go in there if I were you."

"Why?" Caroline said, gaze narrowing. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing major," the nurse said, a bit too hurriedly. "We were just having some problems earlier."

"I was called down here to help," said Caroline. "Now tell me what's going on."

"He's been violent. Yelling a lot. Threatening to hurt himself. Threatening to hurt the staff." The nurse sighed. "You'd really have to talk to the doctor-"

"Where is she?" said Caroline.

"Gone for the day."

"Then you'd better tell me as much as you can," said Caroline. "I can't wait until the doctor comes back."

"Well, you know this is all new; we haven't ever had anyone sick with what Mr. Johnson has before-and we're monitoring his symptoms carefully-we're just in uncharted territory here-the doctor says-"

"Get on with it."

"We think he's experiencing some severe paranoia. Delusions. He's acting out because of it."

Caroline stared at the nurse. "Like what?"

"He thinks we're trying to drug him. That we're trying to hurt him. That you've abandoned him. Some of the staff are scared of him, ma'am."

"I'll go talk to him," she said with a heavy sigh. She wasn't scared of him. She could never be scared of him.

She pushed open the door gently.

"Mr. Johnson?" she said.

The figure in the bed didn't move. He was turned away from her, the thin blankets draped across his thin body.

"Mr. Johnson," she said again, approaching the bed and lightly touching him on the shoulder.

Cave Johnson grunted. "'Bout time you showed up," he said, not moving.

"I guess I haven't been down here in a few days," Caroline said, rubbing her hand on the back of her neck. Her wavy brown hair fell around her shoulders. "I've just been so busy-"

"It's been a week."

"Really?" Caroline said. She feigned surprise. "I guess time-"

"Just got away from ya?"

She closed the door behind her, drawing the curtains on the little window that looked out to the hallway. "Mr. Johnson, I need to know why you threatened those nurses," she said.

"They wanted me to take some pill I didn't recognize. Said it would calm me down, make me feel better. I said hell no, if they tried to make me take it, I'd stab them. So they stopped," he said, matter-of-fact.

"They're just trying to help."

"No they're not, Caroline." He sat up in bed, pushing himself upright and turning to face her. "Have you seen the way that they look at me? They don't care whether I live or I die." He was just some fascinating experiment to them. Some toy for them to play with.

"That's not true," Caroline lied.

The doctors following Cave's rapid deterioration-they were all fascinated by the adverse effects of the moon rock poisoning on the human body. They had simply never seen anything like this before. This was something new-something to be carefully studied. Around every turn was the chance for one of them to come up with a miracle cure, to save the day, to make sure that their experiment worked. They could just imagine the riches and the fame that they would gain if they could just find the right treatment. They could be the ones to save Cave Johnson.

"I need _your_ help," said Cave. He needed her to listen to the doctors, to decide which treatments were right for him, and which ones to ignore. She had always been better at that kind of thing than he had. He didn't trust the doctors. Objectively he knew that they were trying to help-but he just couldn't bring himself to believe it.

Caroline walked across the room, taking a moment to stare out of the picture windows at the edge of the bedroom. She stared out at the vastness of the facility, and then closed the blinds.

"Hold on," she said, turning back to him. "Let me take your temperature." She picked through the rolling cart of medical equipment before finding a thermometer. She was no doctor, but she figured she knew how to take a temperature.

Cave obliged, letting her stick the thermometer into his mouth for a few moments before the result came out on a digital screen. 98.6. Perfect.

"Well, you're not feverish," she said.

"Could've told you that myself." He hesitated, shifting in the bed. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Trying to solve me."

Caroline put the thermometer back on the cart, wiping it down.

"That's your job, isn't it? Solving problems?" he said.

"You're not a problem," said Caroline. He was right, though. Solving problems was her job, and right now she had a big one on her hands, too-trying to get them all out of this seventy million dollar hole that Cave Johnson had dug them all.

"Then why are you treating me like one? Relax," he said, trying to make his voice as soothing as possible. It didn't work, instead coming out raspy. The way that she looked at him-it was like he was a crying baby, and she was trying to figure out what would shut him up the quickest.

Caroline needed to get back to work-she didn't have time for this. "Mr. Johnson, I need to ask you something else. The nurse told me-," she paused, pain in her voice. "I need to know why you threatened to hurt yourself." Caroline took a seat next to his bed. She didn't understand. Why would he threaten to hurt himself, to take away what little time that he had left?

"Oh, that," Cave said, looking down. "I may have threatened to stab myself with some medical equipment."

Caroline's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"It got you down here, didn't it?" said Cave.

Caroline hesitated. "Is that really what this is all about?" she said.

Cave didn't answer, looking away for a moment. "You're never around," he said. "You only come down when something major happens." When he passed out. When he coughed up too much blood. When he vomited after taking his medications. Asking her to come down never seemed to work. "So I thought-I thought I'd try something."

Caroline nodded, a wave of guilt and sadness ebbing at her stomach. She didn't mean for this to happen-one day just passed after another until it had been a week, and by that point she was just too embarrassed to admit that the time had passed, which made her avoid Aperture Medical even more.

"I feel like I'm losing you," Cave said softly. The whirring and humming of the machines besides him almost drowned it out. Lately, every time she came in there, she got this look on her face. Like she couldn't wait to get out of there. Like she was avoiding him.

Caroline folded her hands in front of her lap. The truth was, Cave Johnson was exhausting. Every time she came down here, he was hurt, or he was angry, or he was sick. He was yelling or screaming or was convinced one of the doctors was trying to poison him. "It's just hard for me to see you like this," she said softly.

"Hard for you?" Cave said, incredulous. "What about for me? I'm the one that has to live this!"

"I know," she said with a sigh. She just wished things were back how they used to be. Before Cave Johnson got sick. Before she had a massive company to run.

"It hurts so much, Caroline. Not having you down here."

"I have to do my job," said Caroline.

"Isn't this a part of your job?"

"Tell that to the investors upstairs," Caroline grunted. "The ones I ran out on so I could come check on you." She wasn't a babysitter-they had people down here that they paid to watch Cave. That wasn't her job.

"Why are you working yourself so hard?" said Cave. There was a sincerity and a tenderness in his voice that Caroline didn't remember hearing before. "Kid, I know you worked hard before, but this is unreasonable-even for you. I need you on your A-game."

Caroline didn't answer. She didn't need to answer. She had her work. It was her only way that she could deal with all of this-the only way that she could handle the pain of it all. Cave acted out; Caroline worked. "I need to do my job," she said. She reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

Cave gave a soft sigh. "I understand," he said. "Just don't forget about me down here, okay?"

Caroline sunk down further in her chair, closing her eyes for just a moment. The weight of the day hit her all at once. She just needed a moment, that was all.

"Caroline, when's the last time you slept?"

Caroline jerked forward in the chair, having not even realized that she'd been nodding off until

Mr. Johnson spoke to her. "Oh, um," she said. "I'm not sure."

"Not sure."

She was ashamed to admit it, but it was true. She simply didn't have time anymore for things like sleeping. Not when there was science to do. She yawned, her eyelids feeling heavy.

* * *

Caroline was asleep.

That much Cave Johnson could tell.

He took a moment to just watch her, slumped in the chair and breathing softly. He was scared to speak-he knew his voice would only make her angry. She needed her rest.

Cave Johnson shifted, quietly adjusting the pillows behind him. He wished that he could tell her everything, about how scared and how vulnerable he really felt. How much he missed her. How much he needed her.

He wanted to whisper words to her, but stopped himself. Oh, what did it matter? It wouldn't do any good. He knew he was a burden to her. He didn't need to burden her with his love, too. The thought still rang through his head.

 _I love you, Caroline._


	5. Two

Two

"In the middle of the night I was sleeping sitting up, when a doctor came to tell me, "Enough is enough." He brought me out into the hall (I could have sworn it was haunted), and told me something that I didn't know that I wanted to hear: That there was nothing that I could do save you, the choir's gonna sing, and this thing is gonna kill you."

-"Two" by The Antlers

* * *

She didn't know how long she'd been asleep when the doctor woke her up. She'd fallen asleep sitting up again at Cave's bedside. Cave was asleep too.

Caroline half-smiled at the doctor, adjusting her hair and rising to her feet. The two of them slipped out into the hallway, softly closing the door into Cave Johnson's hospital room.

"Enough is enough," the doctor said.

A heaviness hung onto her chest, as if she'd been pinned under a massive boulder. "What?" she said.

"There's nothing you can do to save him," said the doctor. "No miracle cure. No new treatment. There never will be."

The last lightbulb of her hope burst, shattering into glass shards inside her body. She could almost feel the pain of the slicing of the glass in her feet, the prickling at her heart, the ache in her body, all over. It hurt more than she thought it might.

There was no way that she could save him.

The heaviness lifted just as suddenly as it had settled.

"Thank God," she whispered.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry," Caroline said. "Nothing." She was so tired of all of these miracle cures, of all of these false hopes. She trusted this doctor to tell it to her straight.

"He stopped eating," said the doctor.

Caroline didn't answer.

"Apparently he hasn't been eating for a while, but no one noticed. We weighed him today and he's down to 87 pounds."

"How did you not notice?"

The doctor shrugged. "Changing shifts-he usually takes a while to eat anyway, with all the coughing, and there's a trash can right beside the bed."

"So-" Caroline started.

The doctor sighed. "Well, we could start a feeding tube," she said.

"No," said Caroline.

"With him at such a low weight, and having troubles eating, we're going to have to-"

"No feeding tube."

The doctor checked something off on her clipboard. "I'll ask him when he's awake again," she said.

Caroline sighed.

"Miss Caroline-" the doctor said, meeting her eyes for a moment. "I think it's his time."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it's his time to go," she said, gently.

Caroline paused, but before she could reply, they heard an awful moaning coming from the hospital room.

"That's him," said the doctor, checking her watch.

"Really?" said Caroline.

"He doesn't make these sounds when you're around," said the doctor, with the seasoned face of someone that had been through a lot. He just wanted her to think that he was gonna be okay, even when it was a lie to both of them.

Then they heard shouting. Screaming. Howling. Other noises that made Caroline want to turn and run the other way. She paused and thought about going in there, but stopped herself. She couldn't do it. She couldn't face him like this-what was he going to do? Just yell at her more? She had already had her fill of that today.

The doctor caught her look of fear. "You don't have to go in there," she said. "I'll be right back." She disappeared for a moment, heading over to the nurse's station and talking to the on-duty nurse for a long while before coming back with a paper cup filled with a couple of pills. "Here," she said. "For when you're ready. He's due for them."

Caroline took the pills and cupped them in her hand. For a brief moment, she considered taking them herself. What use would that do? But she couldn't help but think that Cave Johnson wasn't the only one in pain. He might not be the only one sick, either.

She moved to the door and took a breath before putting on the same smile she'd done a million times. "Mr. Johnson," she said, opening the door. "I have your pills."

Cave looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You left me again," he whispered.

Caroline looked away. "The doctor wanted to speak with me. I was just gone for a minute," she said.

"What did the doctor have to say?"

"She told me you stopped eating," said Caroline.

Cave Johnson merely shrugged. "Haven't been hungry," he said.

"The doctor recommended a feeding tube."

Cave shook his head. "Force me to eat?"

"That's what I told her, too," she said. "You're a big kid. If you don't want to eat, you don't want to eat."

"Exactly," said Cave.

"She also told me," she hesitated. _That it's almost your time. That you're gonna be fine. That you need to gain weight if you're going to survive._ "That you're doing great," she settled on, a lie.

"I had a nightmare," said Cave Johnson. "Strangest thing. I was just a kid." He hadn't dreamt he was a child in years. "And they cut my hair," he said. "They stuck me into machines and I tried to tell them not to, but nobody listened to me. I almost died," he said, taking a few calming breaths and wiping the tears away with his hospital gown.

Caroline just handed him the pills and a glass of water she'd grabbed on the way. He took them, one, two, and handed her back the empty little pill cup. She threw it away.

"Reminded me of when I got sick," said Cave. "When I first got sick. You know," he said. "When everyone thought I was crazy."

Caroline winced.

When he had first gotten sick, she had dismissed it as a simple cough, nothing to worry about. And then when it didn't go away, she figured it was just one of those illnesses that a test subject must have brought in. Just the office cold-just one of those bad ones that didn't go away for a month or two. She reassured him again and again that it was nothing, even when he became more and more convinced that it wasn't a simple had only been when he started to cough up blood that they had sought medical attention, and by that time the lunar poisoning had taken deep root inside of his body.

Did he blame her for this? For not catching it as early as they could have?

"I wish I could just pack up my bags and leave," said Cave. "Just leave all of this behind me." Caroline wanted to reach out to him, to touch him. He'd threatened to do this before-to pack his bags and leave, to go hit that bucket list hard and do all of the things he'd been meaning to do before he died. Leave Aperture behind. Leave Caroline behind. Leave it all behind in hopes that something new would be his salvation.

"I need you here," said Caroline, softly. He needed her. She needed him. It was that simple.

"I know," said Cave. "You know I'd come back anyway. This is my home." he reached for her hand, and she caught a glimpse of a glint of metal. She felt like gasping.

"You're wearing it," she said. The ring. _Their_ rings.

"Course I am."

"Thought you didn't like yours," said Caroline. She looked down at her own hand. On her ring finger, a dingy silver ring with an icon in the shape of the old Aperture logo.

"I was feeling sentimental," said Cave. He stared at his for a long moment, twisting it around his finger. "Remember when I gave you yours?" he said, giving a small laugh. "I thought for sure you'd never wear it. That you'd think I was being too forward or something, giving you a ring."

Caroline blushed. "Well yes, I was a little embarrassed to wear it at first, but it sure stopped people from asking," she said. She'd never been married-that was the point. After her ten year anniversary at the company, Cave had given her the simple silver ring. _She's married-to science!_ And she'd never taken it off since.

She stopped and looked around the room for a long was a long pause. "It's always just gonna be us two, isn't it?" said Cave.

Caroline squeezed his hand, nodding. No other witnesses, just those two. Two ways to tell the story. Two people living in one small room. Two people with two different dreams for Aperture. Two people who had been with Aperture from the start.

Two partners in science.


	6. Thirteen

Thirteen

"Pull me out… pull me out… can't you stop this all from happening? Close the doors and keep them out.

"Dig me out… Oh, dig me out… Couldn't you have kept this all from happening? Dig me out from under our house."

-"Thirteen" by The Antlers

* * *

Cave Johnson's office was empty.

It had been that way for a few months now, ever since he'd moved down to hospice for the end of his days.

Even though it was the most luxurious office in the area-even with a private bathroom-she hadn't been able to bring herself to sit there and work. It was still _his_ desk. Not hers. Not yet. She took a look at her own single desk in a sea of desks, and then turned toward Cave Johnson's office.

Caroline paused at the door-the doorway she'd stopped at a million times before. Images of times she'd been there before went through her head. All of the "Yes, sir"s and "Anything else, sir"s that she'd said.

Today, she went inside the office.

Her fingers twisted the lock shut behind her. Nothing would be more embarrassing than having some lackely walk in and see her, Caroline-the Backbone of Aperture Science-crying alone on Cave Johnson's desk.

She had some important business to conduct, and she didn't wanted to be interrupted like she was on an average day. She figured Mr. Johnson would forgive her for the transgression. This was special.

No. This was top secret.

Her fingers clutched at the folder in her hands.

She sunk into his comfortable desk chair-so luxurious-and tried to keep herself from crying.

 _You can do this, Caroline_ , she whispered to herself, barely believing it. She had to hold it together. Mr. Johnson was depending on her. Aperture was depending on her.

Her fingers trembled as she flipped open the folder, the one pressed into her hands just hours ago by a frantic Cave Johnson. The memory of it came rushing back to her, replaying as clearly as if it was happening all over again.

* * *

She had come to the hospital late that day to visit him, exhausted from her duties.

"I have a surprise for you," Cave had said.

A surprise? That was unusual. Cave Johnson wasn't one for surprises-he tended to not be very good at keeping them, especially when he'd rather blurt out the secret and see the person's reaction rather than wait for the right time.

She hated surprises. She'd always been one that preferred to know everything that was happening, exactly when it was supposed to happen, and what was supposed to happen. It was all part of her grand plan, the internal clocks that guided her through her day. She didn't like changes in that plan, even though being flexible was a big part of her job description. With a place with as many moving parts as Aperture, things went wrong and not according to plan frequently. Still though, she hated surprises. Rarely had a surprise ever been a good thing for her.

She went over the possibilities in her mind.

It couldn't have been a work-related thing. He was too out of touch with that. Maybe he'd gotten some good news from the doctor today? She hadn't bothered to stop and talk to her on her way in, having gotten tired of the same bad news day after day. Caroline let the possibility raise her heart a little bit. Maybe this was the good news that they all needed. Maybe this would be a good day for them.

Caroline took her seat next to the side of the bed. "Oh?" she started.

"It's something I've been working on with the lab boys," he said with a smile.

"The lab boys?" said Caroline. When did Mr. Johnson have time to meet with them? How did he even have the energy to meet with them? He didn't have the energy to run the company anymore-which was why she was doing it. He barely had the energy to be cognizant whenever she did come down and visit him. "What were the lab boys doing down here?"

"Don't worry, I asked them to come," he said.

Caroline had warned Cave to not accept meetings from many people, worried that they might try to get him to sign away his rights to the company, that they might try to swindle him in some way. To be safe, all visitors went through Caroline. At least, that was how it was supposed to be.

"It's a project," he said. "Something life-changing."

"Mr. Johnson," Caroline started. How could she break this to him gently? This was something that she had dealt with before. The vain, self-preservation instinct at its finest. The desire to save himself with some sort of miracle cure or miracle treatment.

What would it be today? A dietary supplement to coat his lungs (again) to reverse the effects of the lunar poisoning? Jumping through portals in an attempt to get them to leech it out of his system? Everything had already been tried. That is, the treatments that she deemed safe enough for him to even try. So how did she break it to him that his latest scheme to defy death probably wasn't worth pursuing?

"Just hear me out on this, Caroline," he said. "Me and the lab boys came up with something I think you'll love. We're calling it the GLaDOS project."

"The GLaDOS project?"

"The Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System." He spread his hands apart. "It's like a computer, but so much better. A way to store a man's personality-their entire being-inside of a computer. A way for me to live on forever."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" said Caroline. They didn't keep things from each other. They made it a point to do that. Hiding things from one another had only caused them pain in the past.

"Well-we didn't think it would work. But we made it to human trials, Caroline. This is the real deal."

"What?" she said, her voice low.

"I know I didn't tell you-but I couldn't wait any longer. We're really onto something here, Caroline," he said. "I wanted to do it. For me. But in case if it's too late for me-If anything happens to me-Caroline, I want you to take my place."

There was a heavy pause.

"You want me to live forever?" said Caroline, softly.

"Of course I do. If any of us deserve it, it's you."

"I don't want it." She said it quickly, matter-of-fact.

"This is your chance to take over-to keep Aperture running. To do science!" Cave said, with a sweep of his hand. She could see the visions of glory-the glint of eternity in his eyes. He shoved the folder into her arms.

She took a shaky breath. "I don't want this."

"Don't be ridiculous. Of course you want it."

"Listen to me. Sir," she said, "I do not want this."

Cave finally acted as if he had heard her. "Whaddya mean?" he said. "I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime, and you're going to tell me no?"

"I can't," she whispered, yanking away her hands from his with tears in her eyes.

His voice grew low. "Caroline, you know I won't take no for an answer."

* * *

Caroline spread out the papers in front of her. It made sense. It made too much sense. The human trials were going perfectly. They were just doing partitions of the brain-mostly the frontal lobe-and then calling the resulting being a 'personality core,' since the core of the person's personality was preserved, albeit in a one-dimensional way. The good news was that they had buckets of these creations. It working. Too well.

The downside? The upload process killed the person. One hundred percent fatal. No way around it. Just a part of the process.

Caroline swallowed as she tried to process these words. Sure, death was an inevitability for all human life. That she knew. The fact of Cave's ailment had this thought all on the forefront of their minds.

But if she went through with this-she would die too.

Could Aperture stand to lose both of them?

Caroline swallowed, closing the folder.

She cried.


End file.
